| | The Regional Recusant, un hebdomadaire (San Antonio, TX)
Monday, July 2 – anno domini MMVII
Land redistribution groups convene, split in San Antonio; consult with Russian necromancer
Leaders of the Aztlan movement met with various European and American land redistribution groups in San Antonio last Friday to discuss plans for the execution of an expansive program to deal with the current immigration problems afflicting North America and Europe. Sandy Wynds, Education Secretary of the People for an Original World (POW) and commencement speaker for the three-day conference, told The RR that her organization works “to guarantee justice and equality to all people” by “fighting for the return of all lands to their original owners.” Wynds delivered an impassioned speech to the 1000+ gathered, calling for the re-education of all peoples and cultures: “Inter- and intra-national strife will disturb this planet until the ancient rights of all peoples are finally satisfied—and these rights will remain slighted and scorned until this blight of ignorance, the most wicked culprit in our fight for the future, is foiled by the simple salvation in facts.” Wynds continued, “Most humans do not even know that their ancestors may have owned land now confiscated by conquest”—land to which, according to POW, they are now entitled.
But only twenty-four hours into the three-day conference, the Society for Original Territories (SOT) and the Advocates for a Pre-conquest Earth (APE) called for a new press conference Saturday to disclose the details of a late Friday night parking-lot altercation which resulted in the detainment of a combined 37 officials from all organizations represented. According to Aztlan’s Anglo-Press Secretary Fanny Gurgle, POW’s refusal to renege on its newly accepted “policy of hate” sparked the initial conflict. Called such things as “racist” and “homophobic” by Gurgle, POW’s policy states that POW will only support Aztlan’s prospective massive land return—all the land won by The United States during the Mexican-American War, remitted back to Mexico along with full material indemnification for the 150 years of occupation—if the nation of Mexico is itself dismantled with all respective land given back to the hundreds of unorganized indigenous Indian tribes which pre-dated Spanish conquest. Esqualio Hernandez told Reuters through a translator that the two organizations could no longer work together and that all ties between them should be considered “irremediably asunder.”
To make matters worse, SOT President Teddy Smochés told CNN that the SOT and the APE would no longer be working with such a “lame-duck” organization as POW, which, according to Smochés, should “fizzle” without the support of “giants” like the SOT and the APE. While POW remains intact, its reluctance to raise an army for the purposes of forcing the temporary conglomeration of all African and European nations prompted the SOT and the APE to withdraw from the convention, acknowledging POW’s “feckless committment to the justice and equality to all peoples.”
SOT and APE also used Tuesday to officially announce their first step in solving Europe’s crisis with their mutual consultation with Russian necromancer Vyacheslav Chosokolovski to resurrect as many of the original barbarian tribes of pre-Roman and/or pre-Christian Europe as possible, depending on the region. SOT has sworn, in the words of Smochés, “to rectify the great evils of Europe’s vicious and unrequited fascism” by bussing all “present residents” of what were originally the lands of the Gauls, Teutons, Britons, Cimbri, Abrones, Angles, Jutes, Picts, Saxons, Franks, Huns, Vandals, Goths, Visigoths, and Ostrogoths to Atlanta, Georgia, to make room for what he calls “the rightful owners of that great land.” “Never before,” he continued, “will have so much good human will been freely put into action for the liberty of all humankind.” SOT also called for 10,000 volunteers to perform what it deemed to be “paramount” genealogical, cartographical, and geographical research to aid Chosokolovski “for the sake of universal freedom.” SOT predicts that by 2012, all “squatters of Europe” will have been replaced by resurrected barbarians.
While President Bush offered to cover all of SOT’s expenses, provide 20,000 tax-paying citizens as involuntary volunteers, and even engraft SOT into the United States federal government as a potential now fifth branch of state, some were not satisfied with SOT’s “land-heavy” approach. In fact, FOX has reported that perhaps as soon as one hour after the press conference, rumors had it that APE—who had already declared its dissatisfaction with SOT for not having picked a minority to be their necromancer—is planning for an early exit, teaming up in an unlikely alliance with Benny Hinn, the FDA, and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin to destroy all human civilization—one step closer to bringing to fruition the APE’s vision, “To restore primordial chaos to the planet.” Pundits expect a double-cross from the FDA in less than a week.
Geoff C. Adams is an unlicensed freelance dilettante and has claimed to write for The Regional Recusant for six years. |
| | Posted 7/4/2007 12:55 AM - 55 Views - 4 eProps - 3 comments
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